I can’t for the life of me figure out how I keep getting myself into emotional flashback land. These situations do not look or feel the same at the outset, but they invariably take me to the same places. And then hindsight, of course, is keen and clear. I guess that could speak less to the situations having that much in common at the start and more to the fact that I am very, very practiced at unconsciously steering things in that direction. Which is really sad… and I guess that’s why therapy… but honestly, this time I don’t think it was me, I really don’t. I really, really felt good about having avoided the old trap. So it’s been an unpleasant surprise to find myself wrong after all. Actually, unpleasant doesn’t begin to describe it. It’s been devastating. It’s been like getting kicked in the gut.

***

Duran Duran – Before the Rain

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