I feel gross – broke and barfy and miserable and like my face is pasted on and i am one breath away from letting out the scream i feel like  i’m holding in all the time now. These bills — esp. tuition and insurance on top of significant debt — are killing me, and generous relatives can’t bail me out for the rest of my life. I don’t know how I got myself into a situation where I have an ok job but still can’t stay on to of my bills. This has to stop, something has to give, and I can’t keep living like this. I can’t. And I don’t see anything that can possibly give except me.

This is unbearable. Nothing in my life is an escape, is something with no element of burden or worry. Everything is a responsibility or has an element of anxiety associated with it – my child, my lover, my job, what used to be my hobbies, what used to be my dreams and ambitions. It happened gradually I guess, but here I am now with nothing for me and nothing left over to give. I feel like if the wind blew just right, I would blow away like the dessicated grey shell of an insect who’s long since rotted away on the inside.

Captured with Momento – http://momentoapp.com

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